How to turn your kid into a Hypochondriac

My 3 year old has been putting things in his mouth again. I really thought those days were over, but, for some reason, he’s been licking or biting everything before using it. It kinda freaked me out at first because I thought he might have a “sensory” issue. However, my always logical husband reminded me that kids put stuff in their mouths and it’s as simple as that. He said, “when I was 5, I use to eat dirt just because I wanted to know what it tasted like.” Yeah. He’s an attorney now so all those minerals must have done his brain real good.

So, we’ve been having discussions about what goes in our mouths(er, that would be my SON and I discussing, not my husband and I…that’s a whole different kind of blog). Like food, cups, forks etc and what doesn’t go in the mouth like cars, puzzle pieces, the ottoman, little sisters etc. We’ve also been talking about WHY we don’t put things in the mouth that don’t belong….the “why” being germs. I actually thought I was doing a pretty good job…he was starting to not bite or lick things as much and stopped if I had to remind him that no, we don’t lick trash cans. Yes, I was ready to give myself quite the pat on the back for being a supermom. Just as I was feeling proud of myself, I saw him drawing on his Doodle Pro and I happen to glance over. He was drawing these little ghost-like things that kinda resembled the Pac Man ghosts; weird cause he’s never seen Pac Man! I asked him what he was drawing and he responds with, “GEEERRRMS.” He’s facinated, no, he’s down right OBSESSED with germs! When asked, “Now why don’t you put your marker in your mouth?” He’ll promptly reply, “Because it has GEEERRRMS and GEEERRRMS make you sick and go to doctor and get yucky medicine.” Great. Now I’ve turned my kid into a germ-fearing, obsessive compulisive, hypochondriac. Now every time I turn around he’s drawing GEEERRRMS. And today he started drawing little circles with squiggly lines and calling those, “AAAALERGIES.” Damn, I’ve got one weird kid. Unfortunately, I’ve got no one to blame but myself….good one supermom! Yeah, my manual on “How to turn your kid into a Hypochondriac” should be out in the fall.

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